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Official tumblog of BOGLEECH, the most terrifying website ever invented on the internet. You may also enjoy my artwork, my work for Cracked and my bug questions blog. You can also TALK TO ME. How are things?! |
An illustration to go along with what’s sort of a sequel to my last horror story, though I wouldn’t really call this one a story so much as I rambling collection of ideas I was tired of sitting on.
If you read it, you may be totally spoiled on what I really always wanted to make into a video game and still hope to do one day.
There’d still be a lot more stuff in it than the “story” runs through, though.
In 2011 I talked about this fantastically strange and eerie incarnation of Audrey II on Bogleech, but had little information until her own designer, Clive Hicks-Jenkins, came across the post and sent me some bittersweet background story just today! He writes:
The full-scale Audrey went into storage in Mold, but I’m quite sure she’s long gone as that was over twenty years ago. We’d hoped to nationally tour the production, which had been a great success at Theatre Clwyd, but financing was not forthcoming. I heard that the model for the ‘expressionist’ set was still knocking around in the carpentry shop ten years later, but no doubt that too has now vanished.
There’s an interesting and rather poignant tale about the first-stage Audrey puppet. It went with the actor Michael Finesilver, who had played Seymour, to live in New York. Ten years later a box arrived by post at my home in Wales. Inside was Audrey looking rather the worse for wear. The latex she was made from was crumbling and her cable-controls had broken. With her was note that read:
“Audrey II has been with me for a long time now, but I fear I can no longer look after her. Time to move on. Please give her a good home. Love Fikey.”
She stayed with me for another five or six years, and then a time came for me too to move on. By then every time I looked another piece had fallen off the poor old thing. Finally I called it a day, and she was consigned to landfill.
I’m so touched to find an image and an appreciation of Audrey II here. Thank you for that.
Clive Hicks-Jenkins
Aberystwyth
So the younger, smaller plant lived a fairly long life before finally deteriorating and returning to the earth, but the ultimate fate of its fully grown form is unknown. While it likely crumbled into a heap of refuse as well, there’s a charm to not really knowing exactly what it went through since the show.
Clive’s Artlog offers an even clearer, more detailed shot. There are only these few scraps of evidence that this fantastic thing ever existed and performed in a musical, but I’m grateful there’s any at all!
Over twenty years later, Clive is once again doing awesome design and directing work for the stage - this is a piece for a musical adaptation of The Mare’s Tale!
I’ve also heavily updated the information in my original Audrey II article!
Those beautiful, amazing toys I found on a questionable Chinese wholesaler weeks ago REALLY DID ARRIVE….with SECRET SURPRISES! Click above for an in-depth review!
Awesome UNICORN CREEPYPASTA by Slimebeast:
“We all thought the first one was a joke, a grim amalgamation cooked up in the workshop of some demented veterinarian.
White, milky white, TOO white. Pristine. Untouched. Never had this beast strode through mud or brushed against twisted brambles.
Pink eyes.
I’ve never had a swig of alcohol or a drag of anything in my life, but when I look at the words I typed about this early 90’s toy line, I’d swear I was drunk or something. Especially when I get to the ones I can’t ever have.
I don’t even know what happened. I started writing about these guys and some sort of fiery, rambling passion just poured out. I HAVE LAID MY SOUL BARE FOR YOU, TRASH BAG BUNCH.
My first “Magic: The Gathering” creature review in six months! Here’s twenty-something “Elementals” of interest, featuring mudskippers that smell bad and dogs full of bees. You know, like, the elements, duh!
It’s only a “quick fix” (Cracked’s super-miniaturized articles) but “4 Reasons Pokemon is the Scariest Alien Invasion Story Ever” is the first time, to my knowledge, that any Cracked feature has been 100% pokemon-centric. You’re welcome.
They’ve been turning down pokemon article pitches for years, saying they didn’t think their reader base had enough pokemon fans, but they thought my personal sci-fi horror pokemon theory was just interesting enough for a quickie.
The editorial made a couple minor errors (like referring to “species” of tentacool) but most of my jokes and all of my basic points are intact.
Another late creepypasta was sent to me, by someone who asked to be credited only as “Jeff.”
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I… kind of have a fear of cat flaps.
Don’t laugh. Cat flaps. Can’t stand them. And I love cats, you know, I just haven’t had one for years. Last one disappeared.
I thought it was funny – well, cats are funny, everyone who’s owned one knows that; they do dumb shit – I thought it was funny that day when I passed the door probably a dozen time, and the entire day I saw my cat’s ass sticking out of the cat flap because he was standing halfway through.
One time I even crouched down and patted him. It.
I don’t remember what the time was exactly when I took the trash out. It was late at night and dark, anyway. I remember laughing to myself because if the damn cat was still standing halfway through the cat flap I’d have to give him a swift kick in the butt in order to be able to open the door. But no, the flap was finally closed.
What makes my skin crawl is I had time to open the garbage can and toss the trash before I noticed it. It was lurking there just a few feet from me and I didn’t register its presence until after several moments. When I did, I – well, suffice to say it wasn’t my manliest moment.
Because behind the trash can, up against the wall of my house, was this… thing. I can’t give you a proper description, because it was dark and I was scared shitless. Not about to go get the sketchbook or anything.
What I do remember is this. It was as big as me, but I remember a sense of it being crouched, as if it’d gain another three feet on me if it stretched fully. It might have been humanoid or insectile or I don’t know. What I do know was it was covered head to toe in fur, and that its head looked like the behind of a cat.
Don’t laugh, okay? I’m not joking. It had mandibles exactly like a cat’s hind legs, and a snout like a tail. Didn’t see any eyes, but the tail, or snout or whatever, looked like it was probing, like that was its way of sensing its environment. I think it registered me about the same time as I noticed it. That’s when it turned to me, lifted its tail-snout, opened its little round mouth and, I swear to fucking god, it meowed at me.
I got the fuck out of there, and locked myself in the bedroom all night. The next day, by broad daylight, I nailed that fucking cat flap shut.
Hey, where are you going?
I’m not crazy.
Hello?
Every so often I’ll probably be posting a handful of stories from the horror contest, just for some quick late-night reading fun!
Channel Eight - the vivid description of a horrifyingly weird TV show. It has such a lovely public access vibe. Kind of a more nightmarish Tim & Eric.
BFJHEbfjejehvfj Journal - written like a fragmented diary, a man’s apartment seems to be torturing him with a steady breakdown of reality.
Diver’s Logs- written by John Meszaros in the style of his actual dive logs and dream journal, some lovely nautical-cosmic-horror.
The Papercraft Dragon - a terrific example of horror from the mundane; I never thought papercraft could be written this eerily.
Getting Closer - you’ll probably figure out who the narrators are halfway through, but that’s not the final reveal or “twist” the story actually ends on…
Piano - more unexpected, everyday things made grotesque, and superbly so.
NEW MORTASHEEN MONSTERS!
Originally planned on spacing these out over the past weak, leading up to 2013, but here they are in one big last-minute, late-night load! This brings the Mortasheen world up to 500 canonical monsters.
They are as follows:
Cacchinnox - a horrible dolphin-like Joker. This makes four monster classes where a dolphin is the worst one.
Mothstrous - a conventionally “cute” Moth-man (yeah, the same design could be a male or female) nevertheless considered really creepy and gross in Mortasheen.
Astarath - a star-shaped Devil Bird who lies all the time. Jerk!
Abnortis - a giant dead fetus in the sky!
Oovule - the “ultimate” Zombie Spawn, sort of tying the whole zombie spawn class together into a weird cosmic horror thing.
