LOOK AT THIS FUCKING CUTIE
THERE ARE SO MANY MORE CUTIES LIKE IT
Official tumblog of BOGLEECH, the most terrifying website ever invented on the internet. You may also enjoy my artwork, my work for Cracked and my bug questions blog. You can also TALK TO ME. How are things?!
LOOK AT THIS FUCKING CUTIE
THERE ARE SO MANY MORE CUTIES LIKE IT
This was my response to a Cracked article on “things adults shouldn’t get angry about.” Look how many downvotes I got for a simple, factually accurate statement.
I didn’t even have to say that I thought “toys” were a negative thing. I collect and write passionately about toys. I want to design toys. All I had to do was use the word near “video games” to make over a dozen people in a comment section furrow their concave, shaggy brows and hammer the “thumbs down” button between grunts.
If you are an adult who plays video games you are an adult who plays with toys.
That isn’t even an insult to me. That’s a nice thing. You should be comfortable to play with toys until you’re rotting in the ground.
If you can’t accept that’s what you’re doing then you’re emotionally dead.
Since practically the moment they were born, video games have been broadly regarded as either totally hip and cool or largely inoffensive by everyone but confused, frightened bible thumpers.
It’s been somewhere between forty and fifty years since video games could actually be considered a niche, underground hobby.
Except for the odd media panic that never went anywhere, nobody has actually been ostracized by society because they liked video games.
I doubt anybody in the free world right now is being bullied or harassed because they love video games and hate sports or outdoor activities. The exact opposite is in fact more believable in today’s culture.
Tabletop games, science fiction serials, theater, poetry, art, even the broad and centuries-old umbrella of “cartoons” still carry bigger stigmas in the adult world.
So-called “gamers,” a term about as dated as “computer geeks” or “music listeners,” have not in fact ever had to put up a significant struggle for mainstream acceptance.
Why, then, do so many self-described video game lovers practice such an elitist, hostile, sexist, xenophobic and and entitled attitude, as though they’re some long-suffering and marginalized demographic, superior to the plebeian “normal” people. You are the normal people. Video games get superbowl commercials. Video games sponsor sitcoms. Video games are multi-million-dollar productions. Playing or owning video games hasn’t been special in any way for half a century.
It makes me SO ANGRY FOREVER that Kingdom Hearts was at one point proposed as just starring Donald Duck.
What heartless bastards saw a game where Donald goddamn Duck saves the whole Disney universe from an insane shadow-monster empire and then thought “ew, no, this totally needs to focus on some Bishie animu mary suebros.”
I don’t even care if it was technically a smart decision from a marketing perspective. That only goes to show what a soulless imaginatively dead heathen audience creators are reduced to pandering to.
WHY WAS THIS DENIED US
My first “Magic: The Gathering” creature review in six months! Here’s twenty-something “Elementals” of interest, featuring mudskippers that smell bad and dogs full of bees. You know, like, the elements, duh!
(there’s nothing “wrong” with any of the latter pokemon here, there’s just something backwards when fans hate on the weird, unique ones while going mad with adoration for something we’ve seen several times before)
It’s only a “quick fix” (Cracked’s super-miniaturized articles) but “4 Reasons Pokemon is the Scariest Alien Invasion Story Ever” is the first time, to my knowledge, that any Cracked feature has been 100% pokemon-centric. You’re welcome.
They’ve been turning down pokemon article pitches for years, saying they didn’t think their reader base had enough pokemon fans, but they thought my personal sci-fi horror pokemon theory was just interesting enough for a quickie.
The editorial made a couple minor errors (like referring to “species” of tentacool) but most of my jokes and all of my basic points are intact.
…Is that it isn’t just a twinge more true to its flatfish basis.
I. Would never. Not have this. On my team. Huge missed opportunity; maybe an evolution one day will correct it.
Incidentally a bogleech article on flatfish is coming soon. HARD.
…And I’m not being sarcastic. Luke McKinney is on fire with this one. I might have eventually weighed in on this douchery myself, but I don’t think I could have put it this well.
If you’re calling someone out as a fake fan, what’s your victory condition? Preventing someone else from liking things you like? When your plan is “prevent people from enjoying Superman,” you’re a Hostess snack cake villain, and even more irrelevant to the modern world.
The Internet is stuffed with idiots decrying fake geek girls. Fighting against fake geeks is like fighting against unicorns: You’re an asshole, and even if they were real, your stated goal is trying to kill something wonderful. More people liking things you like is a good thing. If you’re actively trying to keep people out of your hobby, you don’t have one
It’s true that “whore” is a powerfully charged word with many layers of socio-economic meaning, and can be distracting, so I’ve prepared a quick flowchart to simplify it:
I was the last picked for football, was occasionally thumped because people found it funny and can talk for a full hour about my favorite Doctor Who original novels. Only that last part still affects my life, and it’s awesome. But some people escaped into a world without bullying, and instead of thinking “Great,” they thought, “My turn.”
My most-request monster review list ever, and the incredibly dumb reason why I kept putting it off!
The “Book of Fiends” was a third party D20 book of demons by Green Ronin that included several dozen flavors of sex-demon, a sprinkling of dead babies and a sticky topping called a Vilisemen that is exactly as bad as it sounds, if not worse. I’m not going to spoil it. This is a countdown list of the most hilarious, over the top, and sometimes, yeah, kind of seriously creative offerings by this marvelous piece of gaming literature.
MULTIPLE INSTANCES of Fan-art and Pathfinder stats by readers!
I still can’t find any of these to buy, and only originally saw them at Ross. At least I had taken more than one picture while I could, though.
I review the most ridiculous, excessive, hilariously juvenile depths of the BOOK OF VILE DARKNESS.
You’re in for a SPOOKY TREAT!
I reviewed around twenty of my favorite “zombie” cards from magic! Don’t miss my terrible awful jokes, a picture of a hamster’s mouth and a drawing I made of an Abomination at the beach!