So what if there’s just six of them, and only three even have the “slug” creature type? 

This was my response to a Cracked article on “things adults shouldn’t get angry about.” Look how many downvotes I got for a simple, factually accurate statement.

I didn’t even have to say that I thought “toys” were a negative thing. I collect and write passionately about toys. I want to design toys. All I had to do was use the word near “video games” to make over a dozen people in a comment section furrow their concave, shaggy brows and hammer the “thumbs down” button between grunts.

If you are an adult who plays video games you are an adult who plays with toys.

That isn’t even an insult to me. That’s a nice thing. You should be comfortable to play with toys until you’re rotting in the ground.

If you can’t accept that’s what you’re doing then you’re emotionally dead.

Since practically the moment they were born, video games have been broadly regarded as either totally hip and cool or largely inoffensive by everyone but confused, frightened bible thumpers.

It’s been somewhere between forty and fifty years since video games could actually be considered a niche, underground hobby.

Except for the odd media panic that never went anywhere, nobody has actually been ostracized by society because they liked video games.

I doubt anybody in the free world right now is being bullied or harassed because they love video games and hate sports or outdoor activities. The exact opposite is in fact more believable in today’s culture.

Tabletop games, science fiction serials, theater, poetry, art, even the broad and centuries-old umbrella of “cartoons” still carry bigger stigmas in the adult world.

So-called “gamers,” a term about as dated as “computer geeks” or “music listeners,” have not in fact ever had to put up a significant struggle for mainstream acceptance.

Why, then, do so many self-described video game lovers practice such an elitist, hostile, sexist, xenophobic and and entitled attitude, as though they’re some long-suffering and marginalized demographic, superior to the plebeian “normal” people. You are the normal people. Video games get superbowl commercials. Video games sponsor sitcoms. Video games are multi-million-dollar productions. Playing or owning video games hasn’t been special in any way for half a century.

It makes me SO ANGRY FOREVER that Kingdom Hearts was at one point proposed as just starring Donald Duck.

What heartless bastards saw a game where Donald goddamn Duck saves the whole Disney universe from an insane shadow-monster empire and then thought “ew, no, this totally needs to focus on some Bishie animu mary suebros.”

I don’t even care if it was technically a smart decision from a marketing perspective. That only goes to show what a soulless imaginatively dead heathen audience creators are reduced to pandering to.

DONALD DUCK

ROAMING REALITIES

KILLING MONSTERS

WHY WAS THIS DENIED US

blerp

(there’s nothing “wrong” with any of the latter pokemon here, there’s just something backwards when fans hate on the weird, unique ones while going mad with adoration for something we’ve seen several times before)

…Is that it isn’t just a twinge more true to its flatfish basis.

I. Would never. Not have this. On my team. Huge missed opportunity; maybe an evolution one day will correct it.

Incidentally a bogleech article on flatfish is coming soon. HARD.

The “Book of Fiends” was a third party D20 book of demons by Green Ronin that included several dozen flavors of sex-demon, a sprinkling of dead babies and a sticky topping called a Vilisemen that is exactly as bad as it sounds, if not worse. I’m not going to spoil it. This is a countdown list of the most hilarious, over the top, and sometimes, yeah, kind of seriously creative offerings by this marvelous piece of gaming literature.

MULTIPLE INSTANCES of Fan-art and Pathfinder stats by readers!

I still can’t find any of these to buy, and only originally saw them at Ross. At least I had taken more than one picture while I could, though.

I review the most ridiculous, excessive, hilariously juvenile depths of the BOOK OF VILE DARKNESS.

You’re in for a SPOOKY TREAT!

I reviewed around twenty of my favorite “zombie” cards from magic! Don’t miss my terrible awful jokes, a picture of a hamster’s mouth and a drawing I made of an Abomination at the beach!

CLICK HERE FOR ALL THE ZOMBLES

It happened months ago, I know, but catching up on the story now, I’m honestly pretty amazed and disappointed by how heavily offended people were by Tentacle Bento. It’s not all that impressive an idea, no, a lot of you artists I follow have come up with way better around the same premise, but it definitely doesn’t sound like it deserved to be pulled from kickstarter for “endorsing rape.”

We’re talking about a humorous parody of a long established pornography genre that exists exclusively in fiction. Tentacle porn is literally centuries old, but nobody in the real world has ever been sexually assaulted by giant mollusks. If that’s imitatable behavior to you, our planet is probably long dead by the time you’re reading this in the crab nebula.

More to the point, it’s not as if the only people who would make, endorse, purchase or play a tentacle porn game are men who view women as collections of orifices. People who like tentacle porn are as likely to be well adjusted and respectful of others as anyone else. I’d give myself as an example, but I’m a 29 year old who blogs about pokemon, so I don’t count as a positive example of anything ever. I know you’re out there, though. Tentacle fans are also at least as likely to be female as male, as anyone who keeps up with internet art communities has probably noticed by now. More than half the girls I know fetishize the idea of molestation by tentacles.

…The other half just being more likely to give themselves the tentacles in their fantasies. That’s probably the only thing really wrong with “Tentacle Bento;” no bishie dudes in the clutches of slimy parasite queens. I know four hundred people in my Deviantart watchers alone who would be all over that. Maybe they’ll do an expansion?

What bothers me most of all is mainly that the same people who accused Tentacle Bento of “perpetuating rape culture” ironically appear to overlap with the same people who INSIST that violent video games don’t perpetuate violent acts ever. Even I consider that one debatable, because really, really young children are still exposed about a hundred times more to violent games and movies than they are to pornography, and children these days are way bigger assholes than I remember when I was one of them.

Fortunately, we’re still doing a much better job keeping kids out of hentai than keeping kids out of murder simulation. “Tentacle Bento” was aimed squarely at adults, most of whom understand the difference between reality and fantasy by the time they realize they feel funny in the pants about gelatinous invertebrates.

perilz:

jollityfarm:

holy shit clan Nosferatu is so perfect

they’re like crotchedy old grandpas and grandmas who are so down to earth they live underneath it

also they appreciate fart jokes

oh my God Nosferatu are the ED of the vampire world

Yeah this is exactly how I feel about sexy vampires. Exactly. The vomiting part and everything.

FOLLOWERS did you that I’m a Vampire: The Masquerade character? I don’t mean I play the game, I’ve never had that opportunity. I mean that a published character was named after and based on me.

My friend Max Brooks (no, not the “Zombie Survival Guide” Max Brooks) was responsible.

So Nintendonerds.com has decided to feature my long-popular article on the real world inspirations of various pokemon; it’s the same article, but it looks nice and probably displays better, so why don’t you READ IT?

No matter how realistic, no matter how violent, no matter how sexy, no matter who they’re marketed towards, no matter how big the hole in your life you think they fill, video games are toys and will always be toys. If you identify as a “gamer” it means that you love playing with toys so much, it’s become a lifestyle, which by all logic should be adorable.

I’m going to be 29 years old in a couple months, and this photo of my bedroom was taken last year. Obviously, I don’t think there’s any shame in being an adult who loves toys.

There is a FUCKTON of shame, however, in getting seriously angry, judgmental or defensive over which toys other people like to play with, which box they plug said toys into, which alphabet letter the ESRB puts on their favorites, or whether or not every single little thing in your latest toy went exactly the way you would like it to.

Now fucking admit that you play with toys and act like the fun-loving child you feel like on the inside, not the bitter, unlovable asshole you look like on the outside.

If you thought HORRORS were weird, you haven’t seen Magic’s SPIRITS!

Come on, read my inane babble about a bunch of spooky monsterthings!

The last one to click is a bile urchin!